ok. tml is maths... im like abit worried haha... i guess i worked qt hard for it comparatively and like im scared i wun do well for it... i mean, mr koh did say tt its hard and i do have the propensity to make careless mistakes.... anyway y doesnt anyone tag at my bard any more haha. im sad :( ok anyway i had soem enlightnement during worship today and i cried alot den lijia thot i was sleepy haha. ok nvm. but like... i dunno lah.. like sometimes im fine den suddenly ill just have all these doubts... but kept teling myself tt i cant deny God exists cos i mean. He is everywhere in creation and i cant deny tt Jesus exists because He rose from the dead by Himself! and like. noone could ever do tt. yeah but somehow. i dunno its like ill convince myself today and tml i will doubt again... i really dun want to think such things... but i guess... when i work through it and God shows Himself to me then i will know right? and its so much better to have questioned and have faith than to not question at all... i think a faith that has been tested is stronger than one which hasnt... but its really qt. i dunno. i dun want to fall away but what if i stop believeing? i cant imagine such a thing lor... i dunno lah will have to pray abt it. i was like tryign to tell myself to put it behind me until at least after the exams. but i mean tt is dumb rite. how to run away frm God?

and another thing.i guess i kinda finally admitted something to myself. but i dun want it to continue ok!!! i will try to stop it as soon as possible. i know i can cos ive done it before. this time its really spastic ok crap lah im qt disgusted with myself. i told marcus (foo) and he laughed like crap. whalao hes evil lor. nxt time he tell me things i will laugh at him oso haha. im really puzzled at myself tho i mean. WHY of all pple. him.